To be read to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by2pM_0Sf8c

They made female custodes. They were always there. The most surprising part? I brought myself to care.

That’s not true. I didn’t care. I just said that cuz it rhymed. I didn’t care, but only because of how shitty caring made me feel. No, I didn’t love the idea of female custodes, or even the now all but inevitability of female space marines. I didn’t love Games Workshop for going woke, lefty, misandrist, whatever you want to call it. They always were, and can’t afford not to be. Its the cost of ambition nowadays, and if you don’t see that, congratulations, you’re dying in obscurity. Or disgrace. Probably both. It’s also the wrong thing to do or whatever (sorry, that’s the lack of ambition talking).

No, I didn’t care because I’m tired. I’m tired of having to care. Maybe I’m just getting older, and my time is more valuable (not to me, to whomstsoever’s (idgaf that whoever’s is not a word, reddit) holding my leash). It’s weird, even two years ago, I had time to care about whatever cultural battleground was encroaching on my favorite properties. I was there when Star Wars fell. I was there when Picard had dumb stuff in it. I was even there when they put a they/them techpriest in the obscure Warhammer Ork book. And I cared. I cared like it was the legacy I would leave. I cared because I didn’t want any more casualties, no more ruined families. I’ve…seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Rey Star Wars action figures rotting on the shelves. BOXES UPON BOXES of glup shitto POP Vinyl figures cluttering my dream bookstore job. Five fucking hour long videos about “the fall of *insert commodified myth*”.

A new sister reconnecting with me over her amusement (such a precious fleeting thing) with the Orks and their silly antics in that same book. She really didn’t care about the techpriest, but she “felt safe” with Warhammer. And it was something, anything I could grasp onto aside from the Honor Chasm.

I’m tired. Because I really don’t think we can keep going like this. “a game for everyone is a game for no-one.” Sure, but a myth for everyone is just a myth. Even the satanist has his place in Hell. I’m tired because these stories we tell, these “modern myths” are not only for people like me. They can’t be. As much as it would make things easier for the Golden Order to not be flawed, the unfortunate truth is that the Radiant Goldmask’s Mending Rune of Perfect Order allows for those who live in death. It HAS to. Lest the Golden Order be replaced with whatever the fuck Ranni’s peddling (for the love of God PLEASE watch an Elden Ring Lore video, retard). But the Four-Armed Waifu is more attractive than the piece of jerky wearing a mask, right?

I don’t think what we’re witnessing is Ranni’s ending, the Age of Stars. No, I think we’re witnessing a really botched attempt at the Age of Order. Maybe we could call it Brother Corhyn’s ending. One where we all go mad trying to interpret the Mending Rune of Perfect Order. I hope we’ll find it in the Ashen Capital, nay I pray.

Arise, ye tarnished. Female Custodes (those who live in death) roam our myths. It is only ye who can bend the Greater Will.