The Japanese philosophical aesthetic of imperfection, wabi-sabi, has consumed me. Not in an art study sense, or a philosophy to follow, or any sort of intellectual working measure. I just mean, given this broken shit life, all we can do is slap it together best we can and try to find the beauty in the fact that its the best you could do with what you had. It has consumed me, because otherwise, nothing.

Following my writings here you may have noticed a few themes. Themes that I have addressed as major evils in our society. Big trucks and drinking and driving. The olds and the haves vs the have nots. In the past month I have such visceral encounters with these two long pondered evils that I think, should these thoughts and writings not oriented my concerns I would be having an incredible and despairing life shift at the moment.

On August 1st I found myself without a job. Big boohoo I know. I’m working on my Master’s, I have work and engineering experience, have plenty of family support, I’ll be alright. Although it came at a time when I was finally feeling like my life was coming together, at least, financially. I had a savings for the first time ever in my life. Was nearly going to be paying off my vehicle (a Toyota Tacoma for transparency’s sake). Maybe this would be it. Disposable income and saving for a house and looking towards the future. Now back to square one. Well all’s fair in love and war, and this be war. I’ll take my licks. I still have incredible opportunity that I am fortunate to have. Though, aside from love and encouragement, I’ve more or less made it all on my own.

My issue here is, the folks that my old company decided to keep vs those they let go. All of the over 50, retirement in sight, 10+ years there folks, got to stay. I mean, they got families and mortgages and all the bullshit, and I had great relationships there. But from what I can tell, they tossed those like me. Still trying to get their foot in the door, under 30, just graduated types (though they kept the intern, good for him). To me there’s just something wrong with the decision. The olds get to stay and benefit. The young back on the street. And given the political and economic climate of mass hoarding for the wealthy, it just struck a disappointingly familiar cord to me. I am a victim of the sociology that I was warning against.

And then, my aunt was struck in broad daylight by a drunk driver in a classically American, large, pick up truck. She was 57, had 6 children with 4 grandchildren, and a community, let alone a husband, who relied on her. Not fair. Not cool. Her family devastated, and as a religious community, not a one of them have ever sipped a drink before. Yet there she lay, smashed on the shopping mall cross walk, destroyed by a drunk driver.

Its like I predicted it. Could feel it coming. Can feel more to come.