Church is too fluffy. A commercialized feel. Like its an ad for itself. Not to say it isn’t a good product, a life changing product. But it shouldn’t be a product? It almost feels weird to choose as a lifestyle choice. Jesus, or whatever, as a part of your life. Church every Sunday, sure. Routine is good, community, relationships, shared values, something inspiring or encouraging, promising and forgiving. Welcome here. Welcome any and all. Hear the message.

But the message, the word, I think (as someone who hasn’t read the bible or the quran or the torah or any religious text in its entirety) isn’t all good. The news isn’t all good. The story of christ is both a promise and an example. I do think to live your life believing you will be forgiven is healthy. And probably true (religious belief aside. Your spec of a life on this pebble of a planet, the universe forgives you.) And should you “follow the word” of christ, it is a life of showing love and forgiveness.

But the bible has some hard things in it. Not hard to understand. Hard like slavery, tyrants, mistreatment of women, violence, war, plague, hell and highwater. And so when say, Christians, have fluffed it up so much like its only rainbows and butterflies. It ruins the message. Allowing the atheist or critic to point to the brutal nature of creation and its book.

Look! Women should be subservient virgins!

Look! Don’t eat clams!

Look! Don’t be a homo!

It says so! The very book you claim is all good and all powerful has these naughty little underbellies.

Now, the religiously studied person has maybe rolled their eyes by now. They know the darker side of those gilded pages. Good for you. You’ve read more on it and thought on it way more than me, by far. So if I’m just some jackass please let me know. Maybe its just that I haven’t stumbled on the right chapter in the book of John that prescribes the purpose of churchgoing as a feel good fest or whatever. I just feel it shouldn’t be so much of the singing and dancing and love.

Is catholic church a little more intense? Not sure. Further investigation required. Still the major come across from the faith’s is that it will save you. That if you just be a good lamb and give up your earthly self and sin, you’ll be a happy go lucky citizen. In a lot of ways I bet that is the case. I just wish there was a little more grunge to it. A little more emphasis on the grand despair. Not just the grand heaven.

The war really wages each moment between good and evil. And while I was at church on Easter at the invitation of a friend, the sermon held the message. “Turn away from the enemy, evil and sin, and turn to Jesus.” Yet my thought was ‘never turn your back on the enemy’. I think church should be a little more about facing sin. With Jesus at your back.

Jesus as a concept also was interesting to me. Again, maybe somehow the Irish in me demands a more catholic frame of mind. I will grant that Jesus is the son of God. But to treat Jesus as God, seems strange to me. The separation of the two bodies feels more important to me than the lingo of these modern day shopping mall christian church. (Don’t get me going on whatever the holy spirit is supposed to be.) But the whole point was that Jesus was separate from God. A man. The son. Mortal.

My ignorance is starting to really show. Or has been white belly up the whole time you’ve been reading this. Anyway, I just felt like church isn’t really for me. Or necessary to understand or feel God. And no where in the commandments does it say you gotta. Just to keep the sabbath holy (which is saturday anyway isn’t it?). I think there’s plenty of ways to live the word if you’re so inclined.

But I’ll probably be going back to church with my friend. See if I’m just missing out on the dark and scary preaching. And next week is taco Sunday. And after all it inspired a lot of thought. You won’t get me to dance or proclaim or sing along, but it was thought provoking. Thinking, reading, seeing what pastor man had to say versus what I think. Watching the olds tear up and smile. All the little families. It was interesting. And a group of people who are at least trying to be good.

OHHHH church is supposed to be family friendly. OHHHHH it has to cater to all audiences. All I’m saying, and the point of this little tirade or whatever this is, is just to say: Church shouldn’t be so fluffy. Like they wrote the screenplay to R rated, but the producer wanted it to be PG and got rid a lot of substance.

I want the R version.