As this is the first of hopefully many restaurant reviews let me say a few things;

I have been very interested in cooking for a few years now. For myself, for others that I would feed, and as a potential industry in which to involve myself. I have lived through the rise and fall of culinary titans such as pizza hut. As well as tragedies like the elimination of the ball pit at McDonalds or the terror that olive garden has become. Most importantly I have seen the havoc that the COVID pandemic has wrought upon all establishments. The recovery of the sit-down restaurant has really been something to watch. On the whole, not much has changed. You enter, sit, order, eat, pay, leave (with some variety in order or process). And yet, everything has changed. The attitude of the American food consumer is forever altered. In some subtle ways which are hard to put a finger on, and some not-so-subtle ways that I am too lazy now to elaborate much on. One way or another, folks think differently about how they eat and where they eat from more. Just more. Not one specific thought, they just think about it more. More than before.

Here’s to a new era of dining experience.

What these reviews will NOT be is a critique on food. I will rate the food, explain what I got and how it looked, tasted, smelt, felt in the gut, all of the usual that you might expect. However, I will take into account the whole experience. Yes, it is not the fault of the restaurant that I caught a bunch of red lights on the way over, or that I overheard conversation from another diner that put me off in some way. Or that I’m tired of those aluminum stools no matter which way you spray paint them and add a cheap cushion. These things play into my enjoyment and likelihood of repeat patronage. My score will depend on my mood the very day it is written. At least I am honest about it up front. Anyway you’ll see what I mean.

Back to Pine State Biscuits.

Having googled around for food staples in the Portland area, I of course saw this place headlined often. I think there’s a few of them, and the another one might have been the original but I don’t care much for histories and happy local business success stories (not that I don’t prefer local). I’m just not some sappy journalist desperate to punch out a new article on some shit website. I owe you no research. Plus everyone hates the story about your grandma from Connecticut preceding the muffin recipe.

Too bad here’s one anyway.

I’m in Portland today to get my mouthguard adjusted by some dusty jaw specialist guy. Since waking at 3:49am for some unjust reason I decided to hit a breakfast in town. I park a few blocks away and pay the parking kitty app. It’s a cold walk and when I get to the door there’s a few people in line to order. I value my personal space and the covid 6 feet rules will apply to me for the remainder of my life, and so I am forced to wait outside for the line to clear. Trying not to look like the desert kid I am by shivering too much. A few tense minutes pass as I worry some inconsiderate patron assumes I’m outside just for fun and enters to crowd in and take my place in the line as if there’s order to the world. Thankfully space opens inside before that and I enter. It is obviously organized so that you queue up to give your order before sitting yourself. There is handheld menus as well as signage with various biscuit related meals. I appreciate that the menu isn’t like a cheesecake factory. I’m at the biscuit store, give me a biscuit menu. Some places always have that section of the menu put to the back for silly people who should’ve just gone to Dennys if they just wanted eggs and fruit bowl.

My grandmother is one of those silly people. Somehow she always chooses the worst item on the menu where ever we go. And then complains about it. Well if you go into the place called “Burrito-ville” and the mascot is a giant meat filled burrito, with burrito decals in the window, and the menu is 90% burritos, don’t get mad when your fucking veggie omelet isn’t 5 star quality. It is mostly my grandmother’s fault in that case, read the room lady. But also it is the restaurant’s fault for catering to fools with offshoot menu items.

Back to biscuits, sorry

Just after me, a quartet of strangely feminine yet macho gentlemen enter. Reaching for menus past me and crowding against the door. The one wears a denim jacket and some kind of under arm purse, excuse me, satchel. He explains that this is pretty good place and oh [friend of his whose name I forget] “go grab a table quick I’ll order for you”. This ignores the sign instructing you to order before sitting, and the fact that there’s plenty of open tables. But, as their mannerism suggest, they must have a presence where ever they go.

Whatever, he smells nice. I mean uh, the line moves ahead and I am prepped with my rehearsed in my head a hundred time order. “

The Reggie Deluxe biscuit sandwich, a coffee, and a single blueberry cornmeal  pancake.”

I am asked what gravy I want by way of “mushroom or sausage”. This throws a wrench in my routine. In a panic I mumble out sausage and immediately wish I went with mushroom, but the order lady is too faux nice to correct myself. Costing me something like $30 all told. The $5 single pancake is criminal, coffee should be a buck, and for the sandwich being $16, well god alone can judge you.

I sit and its not long before the food is brought to my table and they take my number placard. Why you needed my name at the counter then, I’ll never know. I’m told there’s silverware at the little bar where I got my coffee from a sprout and a water cup. For this you get some points. I love when there’s the water station to help yourself at, and thanks for not hiding it in plain sight or some bullshit like most breweries do. Where there’s some spicket sticking out of barrel and the bar man is always insulted to have to point out.

The booths aren’t and the table is wood with some coating. Not too tacky but everything feels cramped. This would be a very intimate date, and a nightmare for a party of four. However, those guys from earlier look cozy enough. The silverware is that shitty stamped out metal kind, and the water cups those perfect shaped and sized ones from Golden Carrel or Furr’s. The mug was of similar quality but had this strange feature that no matter how I drank from it a single drop of coffee would stream down the side leaving a brown track. This is fantastic. It’s like drops of water colors on a blank sheet of paper. I think the young ladies of the day would just call it aesthetic. What a mug

My food is a half biscuit topped with a tender of fried chicken, bacon, cheese, and the fried egg. The fried egg being important as it distinguishes ‘The Reggie’ from ‘The Reggie Deluxe’. A $2 distinction. The lot with a smothering of the gravy, except for the top half of the biscuit. Complete with wooden skewer holding it all upright.

This is not a sandwich. You lied.

This a smothered biscuit. Why not tell the truth. A fork and knife is required.

Anyhow I ate it. Greedily even. The gravy rocks though I wish there was more. The one failing of a biscuit is it being dry, that’s sort of their point. If the chicken had been advertised as deep fried, I would be very disappointed, but seeing as its just regular fried its good enough. The on breading falls away but it is smothered so I forgive it. What I cannot forgive is the “fried egg”.  A fried egg is crispy bottomed, over easy. Yolk still able to run in with the sausage gravy and oh so yummy. Yet on this “sandwich” there is not that but instead a folded over scrambled egg. Like an omelet without filling. This is twice I’ve been lied to.

The cornmeal pancake is just a flour pancake you put cornmeal in only so that there’s little specs of yellow now and again as you fork through it. Three lies now. The blueberries are truthful though, and seemingly fresh ones. The syrup doesn’t seem like it was dishonest corn syrup either.

All in all, a good meal. I would recommend this place to newcomers to the area. Unlike the fellows who came in after me, I don’t think I will be frequenting it.

Using the patent pending -5 to 5 scale. I give Pine State Biscuits on 23^rd a 2.5

**Original score was 2. Updated on 07/31/2023 to 2.5**